Ways to Support the Caregivers in Your Life

“You should go get a massage!”
“You should go to yoga!”
“You should take time for you!”

This is what people told me when I was caring my dying dad.

Were they well intentioned? Of course. Helpful? Not so much.

What people didn’t understand that taking care of my dad became a 24 hour a day job that took everything I had.

Going to yoga, getting a massage, taking time for myself - while yes, would have been lovely - didn’t really feel like an option.

What I needed was for someone to come sit with me in my home because leaving - even for a few hours - required effort I was too exhausted to make. What I needed was someone to come sit with him so I could run to the grocery store or the pharmacy or to just have 10 minutes to sit alone in the car and cry. What I needed was for someone to listen to me, free of judgement, as I confessed the deep shame I felt around regretting my choice to take this on.

To me, the closet thing to self care was a completely drained version of myself, bottling up my stress and drowning my sorrows in a bottle of wine at the end of the day.

Caring for a loved one who is unable to care for themselves is so impossibly hard. And because it is filled with so many unique hardships and losses, my needs may look different than your needs.

But caregivers need support too. And there is no easy or simple way to care for the caregivers in your life, but here’s a start. It involves actively listening, reducing their burden, and showing up without judgement (and not being offended if they prefer you not physically show up).

Read through, send this to anyone who may need it, and let’s keep talking about it.