Finding Joy in Grief

Let’s talk about joy for a second. In the years following Brad’s death, I have spent a lot of time recognizing what brings me joy. Today, it’s long, drawn-out conversations over wine. Paddles on the water. Beach bonfires with friends. Kitchen dance parties with family. Road trips to nowhere, with the windows rolled down and the music turned up. Deep, can’t-control-yourself, belly laughs.

But what about the early days of grief?

On those days when it feels impossible to eat. Or shower. Or just freaking get out of bed. How do you find joy on those days? The days where you need forced joy the most? The days where you are surrounded by well-intentioned “Let me know if you need anything!” comments but even you, yourself don’t know what you need?

On those days you go back to the basics. Have your sister come over and watch endless hours of The Office with you. Take a nap. Get a massage (booked by a friend who will pick you up and take you there). Go on a walk. Have loved ones crawl into bed with you and tell you stories of the person you lost. Break shit (yes, sometimes that is joy too).

Finding joy gets easier with time. It does. But it’s those early days when it really matters. It’s those early days when you feel like joy will never come. Those are the days it’s most important to force it because doing so trains your brain to look for joy, even in the midst of grief.

So tell me (and everyone out there who needs it): how do you find joy when you need it most? What are your favorite ways to force joy?

And if you could use a little help in finding your joy, consider joining the Forced Joy Club. For the entire month of May, we are challenging ourselves to share our joys daily (and those who share every day, get a smash kit to celebrate!). We will have helpful prompts, resources, support, and fun downloadables like the one below.