10 years ago, without fanfare, I received an email from my radiologist that said “scans are perfect.” It had been a year of clean scans since my sudden and unexpected relapse.
Read More
In honor of National Grief Awareness Day, I’m sharing 10 things I wish more people knew about grief.
Read More
But what about the early days of grief? On those days when it feels impossible to eat. Or shower. Or just freaking get out of bed. How do you find joy on those days?
Read More
When Brad first died, self-love involved alcohol and weed. I’m not proud of it, but it felt like the only way I could love myself was by numbing my feelings.
Read More
As I was walking out the door his parting words were, “Just keep going! That’s the key to a successful business: never let up.” But the truth is, I want to let up. I don’t want to always keep going. If there’s one thing grief has taught me, it’s the importance of rest.
Read More
I feel like I’m standing at a fork. To the left is a clear path - a comfortable path. I know what to expect on that path because I’ve taken it before.
To the right is a new path. It’s covered in overgrown brush with thorns and wildflowers and I can’t quite see through it. This path is both exciting and terrifying.
Read More
Fulfillament is a live storytelling event where community leaders & entrepreneurs share their journey toward fulfillment through vocation that challenges them to COME ALIVE!
Read More
One of the most uncomfortable parts of loss was not in what was different. It was in what was the same. The same friends, the same house, the same bar, the same walking route, the same music, the same shows, the same job. Brad was dead but everything around me was the same.
Read More
But this year, I once again felt compelled to host. I wanted the music and the warmth and the laughter. I wanted to cook for those I loved in this space I have created for myself. I wanted that same feeling of joy I felt during all those years of hosting.
But with that desire comes the realization that life - and the holidays - are different now. The people, the place, even the food.- they’re all different now. And I have to grieve that loss, too.
Read More
When a person dies, it’s hard to know what to do on big grief dates. Both on anniversaries of positive dates - like weddings and birthdays, as well as anniversaries of the tougher dates - like diagnoses and deaths.
Is a celebration appropriate? Is it better to wallow in bed? Do you involve others or plan a solo day?
Read More
Reliving the trauma of a cancer diagnosis, the treatment, and the subsequent death is unbearably difficult. But sometimes, it feels harder to relive those precious moments of our life before.
Read More
After that, we thought we were done stepping in shit. We assumed the universe worked in a way that rewarded good people by avoiding future shit.
But then Brad got cancer (shit) and died (ultimate shit).
Read More
I wondered: will people assume I am no longer sad about Brad? Does being happy somehow equate to missing him less? Will others stop saying Brad’s name? Would sharing my joy be hurtful to other grievers? Can I be both happy and grieving at the same time?
Read More
Like most milestones and momentous events, it’s complicated and a full pendulum of emotions. It’s a week with lots of highs. And it’s also a week of one significant low - the unfillable hole that is the absence of Brad.
Read More
As a widow, did you experience financial instability? Did you receive life insurance? In this episode of Grief Chats, we talk about all things money and widowhood.
Read More
I didn’t understand then why I craved other people’s stories of grief. It felt wrong to want the dark moments. But what I know now is that it wasn’t just about being a voyeur into someone else’s tragedy. It was about holding space for someone else’s pain and then, ultimately, feeling less alone in my own.
Read More
Losing your partner is one fo the most - if not the most - traumatizing loss a person can endure. But with the loss of the person comes so many other losses, most unseen to the outside world - called secondary losses.
Read More
Birthdays are strange days for those of us who have experienced profound loss. They are filled with this duality of deep sadness over the absence of a loved one and also deep gratitude over the privilege to live another year. Celebrating another trip around the sun, while the person we lost remains frozen in time.
Read More