"I Miss the Old You"

“I miss the old you.”

I heard this a lot early in my grief.

What they meant was the “fun” me. The “light” me. The “easy going” me. The me that smiled widely and laughed freely and stayed late at the party.

What they meant is the “pre-loss“ me.

But that person no longer exists. Cancer and death and more cancer all changed me. And you can’t come back from all that life experience.

But this “new me” isn’t so bad, either. Sure, I might cry a little more. But I also come with more depth and feeling and have a greater appreciation for the full pendulum of life. And that’s pretty great too.
If a friend or loved one has been through a profound loss or a major life shift, it’s ok to miss the old version, but please stop expecting that version to return. There’s a good chance they’re gone. Instead, be patient with their growth - and then, get to know their new version, who is probably pretty great too.

And please, stop saying, “I miss the old you.”

Because chances are, they do too.