Lisa Moberly
Loss of Daughter, Izabela
Hi Lisa! Tell us, what’s your story?
I’m Lisa. I am from Southern California, I grew up in Whittier just outside of L.A. and before moving to Traverse City, I lived in Long Beach.
I own Rad.ish Vegan Street Food that is an ode to my daughter and my grief journey. I spend my time creating vegan dishes, getting informed on the newest trends in veganism, creating any and all things. I procrastinate, I think far too much, I meditate often, I practice Reiki, Im obsessed with the moon, stars, water and trying to feel normal.
I’m a licensed cosmetologist for 10 years now, I was also a preschool teacher. I never went to culinary school, I learned how to cook at a young age and stopped eating meat at 9 and taught myself how to make vegetarian food, then went vegan.
Your 7 year old daughter, Izabela died a few years ago. Can you share what happened?
Izabela and I were headed to the Griffith Observatory to see the stars, she had just lost a tooth so we made sure to bring her tooth fairy money to buy a souvenir. As we were in the carpool lane a man was rushing to squeeze in before it closed and he hit the end of our car (they called it the pit maneuver) and it shot our car across the 4 lane freeway up an embankment and we hit a brick-wall.
After such a horrible loss, how did you manage to cope in the immediate days?
I slept a lot. I was in so much pain and agony. When I slept I got to see Izabela, when I woke up I was living a nightmare.
I picked up a smoking habit that lasted about two months.
How about in the years after? How has your grief shifted or changed?
The years after are such a blur. I told people that it felt like my body was going through the motions and I was in this balloon watching myself. I became disconnected and did not want to be around anyone because I know that the person I was is no longer there and I couldn't pretend to be her. I was now the mother who tragically lost her daughter. I was so mad that I didn’t die with her because living on earth felt like Hell.
What was a specific low point you experienced?
When someone asked me what I thought that man should serve as a sentence, and it didn’t even matter. I wasn't looking to sentence a 50 year old man with a 10 year old son, I just wanted my daughter back.
When I realized that will never ever happen, my life spiraled down a dark hole. I got let go from my job and I just would sit in my room and cry until I fell asleep. Everyone was so upset with me because I had ignored them going on 2 years at that point. I think people thought I should've been better by then but I couldn't manage anything at that point. I wanted to find away to end my life.
How did you manage to find joy - if at all - in those low moments?
I have never experienced a sudden death before. When Izabela passed I still felt - and still feel - such a strong connection with her. I feel that she is watching me or present with me and that keeps me going at all times, I live my life as if I am still her mother and making sure that I am acting accordingly.
I still ask her to join me to go places to help ease the guilt of doing something fun. I still have a hard time with guilt and doing “Lively” things without her, so doing this helps.
I had been doing a few sessions of Reiki and one specifically moved me. I was no longer on the table but in this secret garden with waterfalls and butterflies and bubbles. A butterfly soon turned into Izabela and we had a talk. I told her I missed her so much and she giggled and said that she is still near but that she's tired of being sad all the time, that she lives inside me and feels what I feel and she wanted to feel happy again. She then put her hand on my heart and it lit up of white and gold and, to this day, I could feel that touch and remember that moment as if it truly happened. I find joy in that moment and I live as though she is in my heart as much as I can.
“I still feel such a strong connection with her. I feel that she is watching me or present with me and that keeps me going at all times, I live my life as if I am still her mother and making sure that I am acting accordingly.”
What do you want others to know about the loss of a child?
It's the hardest most devastating process to go through. Nothing makes sense and probably never will, but it will change your perception in life. Everything that seemed so big will no longer matter, you will seek to find good, you will seek ways to help your child's spirit live on, you will have a special angel guiding you through this life - just be sure to listen. You will see people as if they are grieving too and become more compassionate to others.
How can a person best be there to support someone struggling with grief and loss? Anything specific that was helpful for you?
Be sure to come to them - don't invite them over. Just show up at their door with food or a movie or a box of letters from the family and be ok with them not wanting to call back or answer the door - but never give up on them, make sure it’s only one person because too many can become overwhelming.
Ryan - my now husband but then just a friend - would just show up. He would make food for me and my cousins and just sit with me. We binged on Netflix and he let me talk about Izabela and let me cry and he would cry with me. He just let me focus on healing rather than forcing me into his perception on healing and he never gave up.
Any resources that were helpful for you that others might be able to utilize?
Honestly, I never knew about Reiki, but Ryan’s mom suggested it after I had a bad experience with a therapist.
Going to the right person to have Reiki done is the most wonderful way to look inward where you truly need to find yourself to heal. Acupuncture to release all the tension that has built-up, meditation to hold onto Reiki practice, massages, and Marijuana to ease the pain at night.
What brings you joy now?
I still have a hard time with joy and saying I am happy because I feel like I'm lying. I have moments and little sparks that make me feel normal for a moment. I started Rad.ish Street Food as my grief journey - to do what I absolutely love and what brought me so much joy when Izzy and I would cook vegan food together. I made her our little mascot - its a sassy little picture of her on her first day of 1st grade. One time doing a cooking class at Fustini’s, our guests took out their phones to take a picture of their food and 4 of them had Izabelas sticker right on the back of it. Seeing that made me so happy that she can live on in a different way, a way to spread kindness through food and people letting me share my story.
Anything else you’d like readers to know?
Don’t let anyone force you into a mold you are not ready to be fit into. People will miss the ‘old’ you - you will miss the ‘old’ you, but just like the person that has passed on, you, too, are a butterfly ready to transform and there is so much to life after loss. it’s heavy but you will also find what truly makes you happy. People will show their very true selves and you get to decide whom you want to stay in your life, in your healing journey. We are the ones chosen to rise up from the ashes and be our true genuine unapologetic selves, because we are living for the one we love most.
Want to learn more about Lisa, her story, and Rad.Ish Street Food? Check out her Instagram account, @Rad.ishStreetFood.