In some capacity we’ve been preparing for my dad’s death for years - too many close calls and brushes with fate. But nothing prepares you for the actual day of losing a parent. And in the early morning hours yesterday, my tough and stubborn dad, Harvey Miles, finally succumbed.
Read MoreAnd I’m learning it’s not just for those who have been visited by the Grim Reaper instead of Jolly St. Nick. Holidays are hard for a lot of us. Whether you’ve lost someone, or you’re struggling with your mental or physical health, or everything in your life appears perfect but you just don’t feel the joy, it can be difficult to cope during the holidays.
Read MoreHolidays. ’Tis the season to be jolly, right? The season of parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting and caroling out in the snow?
But sometimes, the holidays aren't always merry and bright. Sometimes, I feel less like decking the halls and more like Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Read MoreHow to you buy a gift for someone who just lost the love of their life? Or a parent who lost a child? Or for someone recently diagnosed with cancer?
You shift the focus of the gift.
You don’t send a gift with the intention of eliminating their grief (you can’t). You send it as a way to say, “I acknowledge what you’re going through, this totally sucks, and I’m here.”
Read MoreI carry these moments of grief just like I carry these moments of love - they both slow me down and propel me forward. The heaviness of those moments are still there, several years later. But so is a new fortitude. A new strength I didn’t have in previous years.
Read MoreI had zero interest in sharing the most affecting part of my life with this stranger, but I must admit, I did respect his complete drunken disregard for platitudes and his desire to jump straight to the juicy details.
“Cancer,” I replied, leaning away.
I’ve been having a lot of conversations about power - specifically the internal power we all possess. As I dream up future plans and ambitions for the Forced Joy Project (and subsequently ask myself why I am not doing more to chase those dreams), a wise woman recently told me that we are more afraid of our own power than of the possibility of failure.
Read MoreFor two years I’ve had this Samuel Beckett quote at the top of my notes. Each morning, as I began my writing for the day, I'd read it and feel the truth of the complexities of loving and losing and living in the aftermath.
Read MoreRecently I was asked a question by a friend: “how do you handle the fear of growing old alone.” I gave her a quick response and we moved on in our conversation, but the question stuck with me and I wanted to dive a little deeper into that fear - and the complex feelings it brings up.
Read MoreWhen Brad died, I had several people ask me (and many more ask around me) if I was going to stay in Detroit. At the time I was incredibly offended. How could they question my loyalty to Detroit?
Read MoreYesterday I was informed by my accountant that I have to pay taxes on Brad's forgiven student loans in the wee tiny amount of, wait for it, TWENTY-TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS.
Read MoreI’m trying to slow down. To embrace this journey. To embrace the fact that this isn’t a trip for me to see the country and tour the sites. It’s a trip for me to be alone with my thoughts and emotions. To be alone with my grief.
Read MoreThis morning Dune and I sat in your chair. The leather chair I promised you on our third anniversary in 2011, when we lived among cheap Ikea furniture and hand-me-downs and were too broke to invest in something so luxurious. The chair we finally splurged on 5 years later, after you got sick and needed a better place to read and write.
Read More
