I feel like I’m standing at a fork. To the left is a clear path - a comfortable path. I know what to expect on that path because I’ve taken it before.
To the right is a new path. It’s covered in overgrown brush with thorns and wildflowers and I can’t quite see through it. This path is both exciting and terrifying.
Read MoreNavigating a relationship in the wake of a profound loss is complicated. It takes an immense amount of courage to put yourself out there.
Read MoreThe truth is, that diagnosis would have inevitably changed us both. The fears, the surgeries, the emergency room visits, the bad news, bad news, bad news. Had Brad survived, our entire trajectory would have shifted - a rocketship midflight, aiming for the moon instead of mars.
Read MoreOne of the most uncomfortable parts of loss was not in what was different. It was in what was the same. The same friends, the same house, the same bar, the same walking route, the same music, the same shows, the same job. Brad was dead but everything around me was the same.
Read MoreWe are entering year 3 of a global pandemic. We are burnt out, worn out, and dealing with more collective (and personal) grief than ever before.
Read MoreYou may feel pressure from well-intentioned people to “get in the spirit,” but oftentimes those people would rather see you fake a smile than feel the truth.
Pull out the box of ornaments…or don’t. Sing the carols…or don’t. Get in the spirit…or don’t.
Read MoreBut this year, I once again felt compelled to host. I wanted the music and the warmth and the laughter. I wanted to cook for those I loved in this space I have created for myself. I wanted that same feeling of joy I felt during all those years of hosting.
But with that desire comes the realization that life - and the holidays - are different now. The people, the place, even the food.- they’re all different now. And I have to grieve that loss, too.
Read MoreWhen a person dies, it’s hard to know what to do on big grief dates. Both on anniversaries of positive dates - like weddings and birthdays, as well as anniversaries of the tougher dates - like diagnoses and deaths.
Is a celebration appropriate? Is it better to wallow in bed? Do you involve others or plan a solo day?
Read MoreReliving the trauma of a cancer diagnosis, the treatment, and the subsequent death is unbearably difficult. But sometimes, it feels harder to relive those precious moments of our life before.
Read MoreI feel guilty sharing my joy.
Because I remember how hard it was to see people’s joy early in my own grief. Back when I actually thought I might die from sadness and I couldn’t possibly understand how the rest of the world was getting out of bed, let alone enjoying their lives.
Several weeks ago, I entered a dream contest through Airbnb for the opportunity to live nomadically in Airbnbs around the world for a year. When you enter these types of things, you never expect to hear back. You give it your best shot, imagine winning only for a few seconds, and then continue on with your life. But I did hear back.
Read MoreWe talk a lot about what not to say to someone grieving. But earlier this week, someone asked me for some helpful things to actually say. Here is a list from the experts…
Read MoreAfter that, we thought we were done stepping in shit. We assumed the universe worked in a way that rewarded good people by avoiding future shit.
But then Brad got cancer (shit) and died (ultimate shit).
Read MoreI wondered: will people assume I am no longer sad about Brad? Does being happy somehow equate to missing him less? Will others stop saying Brad’s name? Would sharing my joy be hurtful to other grievers? Can I be both happy and grieving at the same time?
Read MoreI didn’t understand then why I craved other people’s stories of grief. It felt wrong to want the dark moments. But what I know now is that it wasn’t just about being a voyeur into someone else’s tragedy. It was about holding space for someone else’s pain and then, ultimately, feeling less alone in my own.
Read MoreLosing your partner is one fo the most - if not the most - traumatizing loss a person can endure. But with the loss of the person comes so many other losses, most unseen to the outside world - called secondary losses.
Read MoreBirthdays are strange days for those of us who have experienced profound loss. They are filled with this duality of deep sadness over the absence of a loved one and also deep gratitude over the privilege to live another year. Celebrating another trip around the sun, while the person we lost remains frozen in time.
Read MoreI sat crosslegged on the floor of the loft. The loft that used to be ours but now was just mine. It was empty, except for the beer can that sat in front of me and the disco ball in the corner. But even in its emptiness, the space felt so very full by the life that was lived within those four walls.
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