One of the most uncomfortable parts of loss was not in what was different. It was in what was the same. The same friends, the same house, the same bar, the same walking route, the same music, the same shows, the same job. Brad was dead but everything around me was the same.
Read MoreWe are entering year 3 of a global pandemic. We are burnt out, worn out, and dealing with more collective (and personal) grief than ever before.
Read MoreYou may feel pressure from well-intentioned people to “get in the spirit,” but oftentimes those people would rather see you fake a smile than feel the truth.
Pull out the box of ornaments…or don’t. Sing the carols…or don’t. Get in the spirit…or don’t.
Read MoreBut this year, I once again felt compelled to host. I wanted the music and the warmth and the laughter. I wanted to cook for those I loved in this space I have created for myself. I wanted that same feeling of joy I felt during all those years of hosting.
But with that desire comes the realization that life - and the holidays - are different now. The people, the place, even the food.- they’re all different now. And I have to grieve that loss, too.
Read MoreWhen a person dies, it’s hard to know what to do on big grief dates. Both on anniversaries of positive dates - like weddings and birthdays, as well as anniversaries of the tougher dates - like diagnoses and deaths.
Is a celebration appropriate? Is it better to wallow in bed? Do you involve others or plan a solo day?
Read More“I miss the old you.”
What they meant was the “fun” me. The “light” me. The “easy going” me. The me that smiled widely and laughed freely and stayed late at the party.
Read MoreReliving the trauma of a cancer diagnosis, the treatment, and the subsequent death is unbearably difficult. But sometimes, it feels harder to relive those precious moments of our life before.
Read MoreI feel guilty sharing my joy.
Because I remember how hard it was to see people’s joy early in my own grief. Back when I actually thought I might die from sadness and I couldn’t possibly understand how the rest of the world was getting out of bed, let alone enjoying their lives.
Several weeks ago, I entered a dream contest through Airbnb for the opportunity to live nomadically in Airbnbs around the world for a year. When you enter these types of things, you never expect to hear back. You give it your best shot, imagine winning only for a few seconds, and then continue on with your life. But I did hear back.
Read MoreWhat I needed was for someone to come sit with me in my home because leaving - even for a few hours - required effort I was too exhausted to make. What I needed was someone to come sit with him so I could run to the grocery store or the pharmacy or to just have 10 minutes to sit alone in the car and cry.
Read MoreWe talk a lot about what not to say to someone grieving. But earlier this week, someone asked me for some helpful things to actually say. Here is a list from the experts…
Read MoreAfter that, we thought we were done stepping in shit. We assumed the universe worked in a way that rewarded good people by avoiding future shit.
But then Brad got cancer (shit) and died (ultimate shit).
Read MoreI wondered: will people assume I am no longer sad about Brad? Does being happy somehow equate to missing him less? Will others stop saying Brad’s name? Would sharing my joy be hurtful to other grievers? Can I be both happy and grieving at the same time?
Read MoreLike most milestones and momentous events, it’s complicated and a full pendulum of emotions. It’s a week with lots of highs. And it’s also a week of one significant low - the unfillable hole that is the absence of Brad.
Read MoreAs a widow, did you experience financial instability? Did you receive life insurance? In this episode of Grief Chats, we talk about all things money and widowhood.
Read MoreI didn’t understand then why I craved other people’s stories of grief. It felt wrong to want the dark moments. But what I know now is that it wasn’t just about being a voyeur into someone else’s tragedy. It was about holding space for someone else’s pain and then, ultimately, feeling less alone in my own.
Read MoreLosing your partner is one fo the most - if not the most - traumatizing loss a person can endure. But with the loss of the person comes so many other losses, most unseen to the outside world - called secondary losses.
Read MoreBirthdays are strange days for those of us who have experienced profound loss. They are filled with this duality of deep sadness over the absence of a loved one and also deep gratitude over the privilege to live another year. Celebrating another trip around the sun, while the person we lost remains frozen in time.
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